meh my other computer (the one i use most) is kinda not working at the moment so I wont be on much for a while...prolly about a week longer. Idk. I'll be back soon.

Is the end near? Or just a slow time?

Lately things in Darkness are er...slow...especially when I'm not there apparently. Well sometimes the chat does better without me and other times not so much. I don't know which this instant is. I'm not sure what xat would do with it if it were abandoned. I've heard they'd give it to someone else in consideration of it's age and popularity at the time but if it's deserted?. I don't know I'd kind of hate to see what someone else would do to it. So if I were to leave I don't think I'd come back. Bella wants to use xats to promote Darkness for an hour or so but that would only be a short term solution. There's a lot of people just not coming anymore. Ethan for example said he's taking a break. Really I have no idea what's going on these days. It's all just a blur to me anymore. I just don't know.

Someone asked me to delete Darkness today. Or reset the chat and make it members only and ban everyone. He told me Darkness ruined his life...What can I say to that? How many other lives am I ruining?

You will probably be seeing fewer and fewer blogs from me because , well, let's face it no one wants to read about how I'm feeling or what's going on in my life. No one cares about that kind of stuff. So most of my posts will be consisting of what's going on with Darkness most of the time. If not it's likely to be something I find entertaining for the moment.

That's all for now I suppose.

Sakura

Online Gaming, monies, christmas, and other randomness

Oh yes! It is time indeed for another long blog woo! I know how much you guys just love these!

I know there's a lot of people out there who play games online, often mmorpgs. There's MANY out there. I know of some through darkness users and other friends. World of Warcraft, Dawn of War, cabal online, runescape, even gaiaonline has an mmorpg now O.o... I'm often invited to join in these games but I often don't have time. Many of the popular mmo's are er too expensive anyway. My brother and several darkness users play WoW. However I'm told there's even better games out there that can be played for free. So why pay to play? It's a little odd to me then again I don't have the money to spend. People talk about online gaming a lot but i don't know anything for myself so maybe I'll start accepting the invites I get. idk.

So Christmas is coming up and I'm feeling that lack of money really bad at the moment and still no luck finding a second job. No one is hiring at the moment. My parents are feeling the strain too as are many others. As the temperature goes down the heating bill goes up. Our heating bill as well as many others' have gone up about 30% even though gas has gone down..wtf? I thought I'd try making gifts for people would be less expensive...I was wrong for the most part. I hand painted some ornaments and will be giving those to my extended family i saved money there but making a tote bag for my aunt probably would have cost the same as if i had bought her one and would probably look better. Mother says that people appreciate hand made gifts more than something you just went out and bought. Such may be true for parents but I'm sure my little brother and sister would like a doll or video game or something I bought rather than anything I could make. XD

As for those of you concerned for my health my cold is gone and my fever has gone down a little. I'm still having pain in my lower right abdomen but other than that I'm feeling okay. So no worries k?

How come no one leaves comments? bleh. I opened up the comments so anyone can post not just ppl with a blogger account.

I leave you today with two videos from youtube both have a 12 year old Japanese girl dancer who kicks @$$ seriously..
watch her kick this guys @$$ in fact:


And in this one (at around 3:10) she goes up against Kazumi also a crazy dancer the whole video is rather interesting though so enjoy!

bleh
not too much going on as of late. I feel pretty crummy @_@ I'm still debating if I should go to the hospital or not. I don't have the money but if it is appendicitis as it may seem then that's not good... any way idk er ttyal

Christmas shopping and random stuffs

So it's December and we all know what that means. Christmas. And Christmas shopping. Ah yes capitalism at it's best? I usually enjoy buying gifts for the ones I love. However as Dec. 25 approaches even shopping for groceries becomes quite bothersome. People are effing crazy!! Did any of you see the chaos on Black Friday? That was just sad. For those who have no idea what happened:


So crazy stuff huh?

The best time to go shopping is 3 am when no one else is awake. woo!
More laters. ttyl

poem

I haven't written poetry in a LONG long time. Poetry often goes unappreciated these days anyway. I'm not even certain why I'm sharing this one, I know it's not even that good. I've gotten a bit rusty it seems.

The Glass Box

I see your pain
I see the blood
dripping from your vein
An emotional flood

I reach out to you
But feel only glass
only cold seeps through
trapped i cannot pass

Can you see me?
Do you know I'm here?
You are the one free.
Do you know my fear?

I can't come to your aid
to make you feel better
how was this box made?
I can't escape it not ever

I probably shouldn't be posting a blog in my current state of mind but too dam bad. Not a lot going on at the moment...nothing's really changed...

In Darkness news..it's officially time to retire the pumpkin background I just can't find a new theme or color scheme for the page yet. I kind of have something in mind, I just can't find it. Argh!

In personal news...I am sick. I've caught another cold...T.T I can't breath. It sucks!! I've had a crummy day but at least i didn't have to go to work like this. Yes I need the money but I don't think people could have understood a word I said today. I almost went to the hospital to day for something. I'm okay now but if it happens again i don't know what I'd do. No worries it probably wont.

Anyway my song for the moment:

All Night Madness!!

I'm bored and tired woo! (anyone can leave comments on here ya know but comments are moderated)

Last day of November. What did I do this month? Not a whole h3ll of a lot...Well nothing I didn't already tell you I was gonna do. I got my ACT scores back, I went to watch Twilight, I took my friend out for pizza, I took my lil brother out to see a movie, I've been trying to find a second job, thanks giving was okay, and I'm sure you really don't want to hear about all this but too dam bad!

As for my ACT scores they weren't that great...at all. My composite score seems in the average range but it's not quite accurate. I did really well in a couple sections and not so good in others. I could have done so much better if I had had a bit more time. It wasn't that I didn't know the answers to the questions I just didn't have enough time to get through them all. I don't know. I want to go to college and I'm certain that I could get into 2 of the colleges I was going to apply for even with my crummy ACT scores. However, My largest issue at the moment with money and my lack of it.

Speaking of money, I've been searching for a second job. I haven't been getting to work much at all at my current job though I am still employed. My pay check is hardly worth the paper it's printed on these days. Money's tight all around here though. So I'm trying to help my family though at the moment it's not going so well. With Christmas coming up it's gonna be...complicated.

As for past holidays Thanksgiving went a bit better than usual. I think there wasn't as many people as there usually is. Also, my brother was there even though he said he wouldn't be after the fight he had with my father. It was nice.

I went the the movie theater twice this month. I usually go once a month at best b/c it's expensive but i made commitments to two ppl that I would go with them. I went to see Bolt with my little brother b/c he got an A on his first report card. It was a cute movie and I think he enjoyed it. As for being drug off to Twilight...I can't say it went as well. If you're a crazy Twilight fan who actually liked the movie then stop reading this paragraph now. It was LAME!!! The effects were lame, the dialogue was lame, and some of the cast was lame. ugh! The "number one movie in America" isn't that good. So what does that mean? I like the plot of Twilight more than the actuall book and movie. I could go on but I'm done ranting for the moment. I just hope this whole Twilight craziness blows over soon.

There was a concert this month that I regretably missed. I would have loved to have been there. It was a concert celebrating the release of the new Punisher movie soundtrack. A local band, 7 Days Away has a song on it. It's a big break for them. They deserve it too. They're really good. I wish them best of luck with this advancement in their music carreer. They have a couple music videos but the live videos are poor quality so try to look for the actual music videos it think there's 2. They're a great group of guys. I went to highschool with several of them. (there's one on my xat profile, it's the one on the left) I'll post the other video bellow. They also have a myspace if you like them show them some love.

In Darkness news...nothing new really. I'm going to change the background and such soon due to the fact it will no longer be fall. I'm not entirely sure to what but I'm going to be looking for ideas. I think I'm going to be adding new a rule. No begging for xats or subscription days. I don't mind sharing but when ppl who have never even been to Darkness show up a for xats and/or days (which happens a lot) it's really annoying and fustraiting too everyone else. I automaticly ignore ppl who are out begging for xats and days. So just don't do it.

That's all for now. I'll try to post again soon!

idk why i'm doing this but meh

(Started on Thanksgiving day but was not finished)

In honor of Thanksgiving day, even though it's late, I want to mention some things I'm thankful for. I'm really tired so don't mind me if I say something weird.

So here it is a list of random stuff I am thankful for

• My crazy friends all over the world
• My family especially my mother
• My past, good and bad times made me who I am now
• Chris and Darren (Darren's awesome!) lol
• My MANY lovers you know who you are (jk)
• My job no matter how crappy it is it gives me other opportunities
• My socks, they keep my toes warm
• Random crazy ppl, they entertain me

Okay that's enough for now. ttyl!

darkness users bored

Good morning one and all! it is 4:14 am...when the heck do I sleep? I don't know! Soon maybe... Anyway We got bored in darkness today so we started doing madlibs. They're so much more fun in groups. I thought I'd share one we did.

My Dream Man My "Dream Man" should, first of all be very scary and funny. He should have a physique like miley cirus, a profile like michael jackson, and the intelligence of a/an chicken. He must be polite and must always remember to chew my boob, to tip his tea pot and to take my vajayjay when crossing the street. He should move sexily, have a/an smelly voice, and should always dress fastly. I would also like him to be a/an slimey dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper supple nothings into my wenis and hold my odd foot. I know a/an shoelace is hard to find. In fact the only one I can think of is andy

yeah well today just sucks lol I was going to go into detail but it just seems to keep getting worse and it would take to long to explain. so I'm just gonna leave it at that for the moment...

yeesh!

I've been forgetting all my passwords lately!! I finally remembered the password for Darkness and gave up trying to remember the password for this and reset it. So many passwords it's hard to keep up with them all. Gah! >.<

It's November!! I have very very little planned this month. Going to see Twilight with a friend...which I'm sure is going to suck...I liked the book well enough but it wasn't THAT great and the movie's never as good as the book so I'm sure it will be suck-ish. Especially since the crazy Twilight fan girls are all gonna be there and be like "OMG Edward is so HAWT!!! Kyaa!!!" and I'm sure to do something to rain on their parade because they annoy the hell out of me!! Moving on, I also plan on going out with a friend sometime this month don't know when and don't know what yet but I plan on doing it! Also Thanksgiving is this month and there's sure to be a big shindig at my house which means LOTS of cleaning between then and now. (I'd rather cook than clean personally but they don't trust me enough to cook though I cook better than kathy half the time so I'll prolly be stuck cleaning.) I don't look forward to the cleaning or the festivities. Why? b/c I'm not fond of many of the people that will be comming, and though my house is rather large but so is my family. I expect there will be 25-40 people here. So most of that day I'll probably be hanging out in my bedroom where I'll feel a bit less clousterphobic. Sometime this month I MIGHT get my ACT test scores back, though i doubt it. If I do I can start applying to colleges, so I MIGHT get accepted. Accept me...Please? PLEASE!!!

Okay I'm done ranting woo! Let's see um.....Maybe I should keep studying now...and um..no pitchforks or torches please? heh...run!!! ahh!!!

Random song of the day! er music video!



And this random Japanese dance...I used to be able to do this but it's been quite a while ^_^'

wish me luck on the ACT test!

I haven't been on darkness much today even though it was my day off as many know. Today was my older brother's birthday. I went to several different stores after i picked up my pay check. All to no avail. I ended up buying him a couple dvd's and a $20 gift card. I suck at picking gifts for guys (except my lil brother). I took a long time to pick out the gift I bought for my father which just a t-shirt. People say I'm difficult to buy for gifts for probably only because I don't say I want something out loud. I feel like anyone who really knows me it should be easy for but apparently not.

Apparently freewebs chat keeps copying darkness. I'm told this isn't the first time they've had the same background or theme but I don't know for sure myself. Nothing I can really do about it either way. Maybe it's just coincidence? It is a common theme for halloween I guess. I'll have to keep an eye on it I suppose. Maybe use custom backgrounds? We'll see.

I'm planning on updating the media page soon. Maybe later this evening I'll start on it. I don't think I can finish it all tonight between all the other stuff that needs to be done. I need to go through the comments page and delete some of them but I can't on this computer for some reason. Maybe it's because i don't use IE too much? I'll try the other laptop later maybe.

Amoung my list of things to do is study. On saturday I'm taking the ACT test. I'm worried about it a little. I haven't been in school in over a year so my scores will probably be a bit low but it's better than nothing at all right? I'm going to apply to a local college part time for a while get some basic credits then maybe transfer somewhere else if I can. I don't know what I'm going to major in yet I just know that I want to take some computer classes and some writing classes. First though I have to get past this test. Wish me luck.

That's it for now. I'll update again soon.

~*Sakura*~

i'm not so good with titles

The last few days have been...interesting... A lot has been going on. My father might be losing his business due to technicalities but then again he's a smart guy he'll probably do something to get around it. It just seems that since the state is low on money they're targeting small businesses. There's probably about 10 others that have received the same letter from the state. We have to schedule an appointment to appear before their committee... yeah it's a bunch of B.S. really. If worse comes to worse we'll shut down and start a different business and/or go somewhere else. Money's tight though....we're barely making ends meet as it is....I'm dreading winter...My family and I are...fearing the worst but hoping for the best...If something should happen and I wont be able to attend to darkness, I'm sure Mana and Ethan would keep things running...But I hope things don't get that serious.

Today has been awful . Ethan and Nelson were fighting again...And I ended up having an argument with Mana...Then there was another attack from anonymous...By this point... I was pushed beyond my limits...I reset the chat and made it members only and left for a couple hours...It probably hurt the chat beyond immediate repair...I just didn't know what else to do...

I can't sleep...

What I was listening to while writing this:



It is just after six AM I can't sleep. I just have too much on my mind. Well not really...There's only one thing I can't shake...

I updated my xat profile thingy in between of a million other things I was doing today.

So weird factoid of the day...I am haunted by this...idk extreme loneliness. Some days it doesn't bother me at all, some days it does bother me but I handle it very well...and this is not one of those days. People keep telling me I'm not alone but it just really doesn't feel that way. Idk why I'm even saying this. I've been through a lot lately but then again who hasn't?

I know poetry anymore is so often unappreciated. But writing poetry is how I vent. I don't know why I bother though..with poetry...with love...I don't know if it's even worth the effort anymore.

Unrequited

I call your name
but you're calling hers.
I'm just apart of the game.
Her voice he prefers?
Why is it always the same?

I want more you want less.
I'm sorry for asking.
I'm sorry I caused you stress.
I'm sorry for what I'm lacking.
How did this become a mess?

My heart still longs for you,
but have you moved on?
I don't know what to do.
do you wish me gone?
I was wrong but i knew.

I just had to take the chance.
I think I scared you off.
Now I ask for a second glance.
I guess I'm not so tough.
I'm hooked on your romance.

Here I find myself again
bound to a one sided love.
Did I do it all in vain?
Did push come to shove?
You're what I wish to attain.

Is there even a slight hope?

My day and upcoming updates

No one probably reads this anyway but...

I've decided to go with the Halloween them for Darkness. I have one background picked out for October and other for November. In December I'm changing the color scheme again. I'll probably start changing that stuff tomorrow and it probably wont take too long. I might tinker with some of the coding tonight but nothing major. Changing all that will probably take a long time so bare with me on that.

I've kind of had a bad day. I got a about 4-5 hours of sleep...on the floor..<.< My best friend took my bed which I don't mind so much since she is a guest and all I just wish I could have slept better. I actually ended up having a mini-argument with her before I went to work today. Speaking of work...it sucked! I felt awful...I still don't feel that well...Anyway everyone on the same job as me got sent home early so i got lucky there. I got to come home to the chaos. I got yelled at. I've cried 3 times today I'm not usually so emotional. It's been a long day to say the least. Some times I don't know why I bother with Darkness sometimes...It seems like no matter what I do I'm still doing SOMETHING wrong. I put a lot of work into Darkness though most of it (like this) will go unnoticed and someone will be dissatisfied with it.

I have one concern about xat at the moment...I'm worried they'll start asking for money for more things...Like it will be free but not free. Like, for example, Runescape. It's free to play but you don't really matter unless you lay down the money. You can only access like 5% of the game for free and the rest you have to pay for. I've seen it happen to several other sites and I just hope Xat wont be the same. Right now it's not that bad but I really wouldn't like to see it get much worse. There's other ways to get money if you need it.

That's all for now. Bye!

~*Sakura*~

a little help?

I don't normally Do this kind of thing but...

Do you have an imeem account? I know many ppl out there do and those who don't should get one. Why? Because a good friend of mine needs a little help. All you have to do is go to the imeem url below and rate (high plz) and comment. That would really help a lot and it's not so much to ask for is it? It would really mean a lot to my friend an me. Any help would be greatly appreciated so tell your friends too!

http://www.imeem.com/oasisfans/playlist/UmUSpFHt/oasis_playlist_music_playlist/

~*Sakura*~

Soo New blog!

Apparently the xat blogs went ~*POOF*~ so I've decided to go ahead and use this for the moment. I was planning on something a little more elaborate but this will do for now. I'm kind of mad (trying not to cuss) b/c I worked really hard on some of the blog posts I had on there. This blog, however, gives me a little more freedom and doesn't look quite as lame. If the xat blog should ever be revived I might go back to it. We'll see what happens either way. For now we'll have to make due with what we've got. A little notice would have been apriciated though. Oh well. chikata-ga nai.(It can't be helped (so no point worrying about it))

~Sakura~