Letter Twenty-Two

I haven't dreamed in a while seems like but usually when I do, it's painful. I sometimes see my grandma there with the world ending on one side and on the other pure bliss. I have always been terrified to die, the world ending and how it ends is more scary then anything ever imaginable. I always woke up crying because maybe she's there really, maybe heaven exists and she's letting me know that. Makes me wonder, you know, if I became a billionaire and helped save countries or even find the cure for aids or something great like that, would that be enough to get me into heaven or is what I have done not enough to forgive. I rather live in heaven or hell then to not exist in the afterlife. Hell is nothing; my soul can't be touched with pain. They say when you go to hell your soul burns for eternity and in heaven it's Shangri-la and for the few lost souls that haven't made it yet walk the earth on a different plain but what if you didn't exist at all? What if when you die? You die nothing after that ending. I have read you my inner thoughts throughout my life but when it comes to death, I shake and tear up the most. What's worse than dying? Dying alone and I don't want to die alone. If you are not the one for me or ever feel that love just isn't enough and that we can't do anything to fix it, just promise me you'll let me know because I don't want to pretend to be happy. I have enough love to brighten the stars and if you don't want that, then I'm not going to give that to you but there will always be part of you in me. Love never dies, it may fade and it may lose touch but it never dies. I have lost some people around me to the "afterlife" and I still love them like they never got taken away. I hope that when I do die, not only will I not be alone, not only will there be that plain to exist more but that the love I have that brightens those stars, fall upon the earth and spread like fire through every single soul and leaves a mark on you all, like a crater crashing down. Don't forget who I was or who I am today.
This message is from who I am going to be after I die. I want you to know that I love you and that I have to say that every chance I get because you never know when our time is going to be up. I miss you...

Love Always,

Daniel