wish me luck on the ACT test!

I haven't been on darkness much today even though it was my day off as many know. Today was my older brother's birthday. I went to several different stores after i picked up my pay check. All to no avail. I ended up buying him a couple dvd's and a $20 gift card. I suck at picking gifts for guys (except my lil brother). I took a long time to pick out the gift I bought for my father which just a t-shirt. People say I'm difficult to buy for gifts for probably only because I don't say I want something out loud. I feel like anyone who really knows me it should be easy for but apparently not.

Apparently freewebs chat keeps copying darkness. I'm told this isn't the first time they've had the same background or theme but I don't know for sure myself. Nothing I can really do about it either way. Maybe it's just coincidence? It is a common theme for halloween I guess. I'll have to keep an eye on it I suppose. Maybe use custom backgrounds? We'll see.

I'm planning on updating the media page soon. Maybe later this evening I'll start on it. I don't think I can finish it all tonight between all the other stuff that needs to be done. I need to go through the comments page and delete some of them but I can't on this computer for some reason. Maybe it's because i don't use IE too much? I'll try the other laptop later maybe.

Amoung my list of things to do is study. On saturday I'm taking the ACT test. I'm worried about it a little. I haven't been in school in over a year so my scores will probably be a bit low but it's better than nothing at all right? I'm going to apply to a local college part time for a while get some basic credits then maybe transfer somewhere else if I can. I don't know what I'm going to major in yet I just know that I want to take some computer classes and some writing classes. First though I have to get past this test. Wish me luck.

That's it for now. I'll update again soon.

~*Sakura*~

i'm not so good with titles

The last few days have been...interesting... A lot has been going on. My father might be losing his business due to technicalities but then again he's a smart guy he'll probably do something to get around it. It just seems that since the state is low on money they're targeting small businesses. There's probably about 10 others that have received the same letter from the state. We have to schedule an appointment to appear before their committee... yeah it's a bunch of B.S. really. If worse comes to worse we'll shut down and start a different business and/or go somewhere else. Money's tight though....we're barely making ends meet as it is....I'm dreading winter...My family and I are...fearing the worst but hoping for the best...If something should happen and I wont be able to attend to darkness, I'm sure Mana and Ethan would keep things running...But I hope things don't get that serious.

Today has been awful . Ethan and Nelson were fighting again...And I ended up having an argument with Mana...Then there was another attack from anonymous...By this point... I was pushed beyond my limits...I reset the chat and made it members only and left for a couple hours...It probably hurt the chat beyond immediate repair...I just didn't know what else to do...

I can't sleep...

What I was listening to while writing this:



It is just after six AM I can't sleep. I just have too much on my mind. Well not really...There's only one thing I can't shake...

I updated my xat profile thingy in between of a million other things I was doing today.

So weird factoid of the day...I am haunted by this...idk extreme loneliness. Some days it doesn't bother me at all, some days it does bother me but I handle it very well...and this is not one of those days. People keep telling me I'm not alone but it just really doesn't feel that way. Idk why I'm even saying this. I've been through a lot lately but then again who hasn't?

I know poetry anymore is so often unappreciated. But writing poetry is how I vent. I don't know why I bother though..with poetry...with love...I don't know if it's even worth the effort anymore.

Unrequited

I call your name
but you're calling hers.
I'm just apart of the game.
Her voice he prefers?
Why is it always the same?

I want more you want less.
I'm sorry for asking.
I'm sorry I caused you stress.
I'm sorry for what I'm lacking.
How did this become a mess?

My heart still longs for you,
but have you moved on?
I don't know what to do.
do you wish me gone?
I was wrong but i knew.

I just had to take the chance.
I think I scared you off.
Now I ask for a second glance.
I guess I'm not so tough.
I'm hooked on your romance.

Here I find myself again
bound to a one sided love.
Did I do it all in vain?
Did push come to shove?
You're what I wish to attain.

Is there even a slight hope?

My day and upcoming updates

No one probably reads this anyway but...

I've decided to go with the Halloween them for Darkness. I have one background picked out for October and other for November. In December I'm changing the color scheme again. I'll probably start changing that stuff tomorrow and it probably wont take too long. I might tinker with some of the coding tonight but nothing major. Changing all that will probably take a long time so bare with me on that.

I've kind of had a bad day. I got a about 4-5 hours of sleep...on the floor..<.< My best friend took my bed which I don't mind so much since she is a guest and all I just wish I could have slept better. I actually ended up having a mini-argument with her before I went to work today. Speaking of work...it sucked! I felt awful...I still don't feel that well...Anyway everyone on the same job as me got sent home early so i got lucky there. I got to come home to the chaos. I got yelled at. I've cried 3 times today I'm not usually so emotional. It's been a long day to say the least. Some times I don't know why I bother with Darkness sometimes...It seems like no matter what I do I'm still doing SOMETHING wrong. I put a lot of work into Darkness though most of it (like this) will go unnoticed and someone will be dissatisfied with it.

I have one concern about xat at the moment...I'm worried they'll start asking for money for more things...Like it will be free but not free. Like, for example, Runescape. It's free to play but you don't really matter unless you lay down the money. You can only access like 5% of the game for free and the rest you have to pay for. I've seen it happen to several other sites and I just hope Xat wont be the same. Right now it's not that bad but I really wouldn't like to see it get much worse. There's other ways to get money if you need it.

That's all for now. Bye!

~*Sakura*~

a little help?

I don't normally Do this kind of thing but...

Do you have an imeem account? I know many ppl out there do and those who don't should get one. Why? Because a good friend of mine needs a little help. All you have to do is go to the imeem url below and rate (high plz) and comment. That would really help a lot and it's not so much to ask for is it? It would really mean a lot to my friend an me. Any help would be greatly appreciated so tell your friends too!

http://www.imeem.com/oasisfans/playlist/UmUSpFHt/oasis_playlist_music_playlist/

~*Sakura*~

Soo New blog!

Apparently the xat blogs went ~*POOF*~ so I've decided to go ahead and use this for the moment. I was planning on something a little more elaborate but this will do for now. I'm kind of mad (trying not to cuss) b/c I worked really hard on some of the blog posts I had on there. This blog, however, gives me a little more freedom and doesn't look quite as lame. If the xat blog should ever be revived I might go back to it. We'll see what happens either way. For now we'll have to make due with what we've got. A little notice would have been apriciated though. Oh well. chikata-ga nai.(It can't be helped (so no point worrying about it))

~Sakura~